May 22 – A peak in my diary
“What did you have for dinner last night?”
That was the question I got asked in my course last Thursday.
My heart sank.
I would say I am a healthy eater! I like to eat organic where I can, eat whole foods, love my cooking, mostly avoid sugar, and have oat milk in my coffee; yes, coffee I drink, I say a firm no to tap water and drink red wine (in moderation, sometimes). I don’t feel like an emotional eater, and overall I am pretty happy with what I eat.
My heart sank when coach Jennifer asked me in the first zoom catch-up of Module 6 “optimizing nutrition for cellular health,” “What did you have for dinner last night?”
I am normally happy to put my hand up, but I listened for a while this time. All participants had eaten super nutritious meals. Like humble pie, I took myself off mute and said: “A burger with onion.” Coach Jennifer kindly replied: “There is nothing wrong with a burger and onion”. YET: The burger was a preprocessed, factory-made salty patty, loaded with preservatives and additives.
No, I didn’t like my burger!
IS THIS THE SWITCH?
You see, I usually LOVE preparing meals and everything that comes with it (bar the unpacking of groceries). Usually, I start with my organic vegetable box, which gets delivered weekly and prepare my meals around that. I go on Pinterest for inspiration (btw I LOVE PINTEREST!), pick some herbs out of my garden, cut, listen to an audiobook, cook, and eat, in the company of my husband Rohan as Paddy boards and Keira often work till late. Having the kids away, as much as I love their company, allows me to cook to my needs and wants, I have free range.
But I have been living on autopilot, in survival mode, in a state of OVERWHELM.
A sticky spider web!
What does that mean for me?
I go within and stop reaching out to my friends and family.
Low energy levels. Everything seems a task, even walking the dogs, which, when connected to my happy self, is one of my biggest joys.
I lose ALL desire to cook.
And as of late,
I lost all my appetite.
Yes, it was official; my body had gone into “survive” mode and set me off in a downwards spiral.
ONLY ME, and YES, ONLY ME, could get myself out of it.
Taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY for one’s health and well-being is the ONLY road to success!
So that is what I did,
I made a more than DELICIOUS pumpkin soup, which will upload shortly in my recipe index. I started to be more conscious about walking the dogs and listening to the birds. I delivered the pumpkin soup to friends. As one of my staff said the other day, “I am so glad your love language is gifting!” I indeed get a lot of joy out of giving. I started “focus” sessions with a girlfriend, another high-flying entrepreneur like me, starting a business from scratch. Took it easy on the wine, increased my (filtered) water intake, and slowly but steadily, I started to regain some self-love.
Finally, I am crawling out of that sticky spider web. It’s been a while!
I am sure I write about the WHY of my state of overwhelm, but, it all still feels a little raw, and I prefer to stay within my growth mindset to prevent me from falling backward.
TIP TO SELF: Be the NON-JUDGMENTAL OBSERVER of your own thinking and doing. Like an eagle flying over the land, just noticing the landscape. By looking inside of ourselves, we cultivate awareness. With AWARENESS, we put ourselves in the position to make more educated and intentional choices.